This is an originally unexpected sequel to my article “Professional Translation In Wartime”
Just like so many other people, the 2022 cost of living crisis has filled by life with turbulence.
Personally, as a self-employed translator, I have noted how Rishi Sunak has urged business
owners to invest in innovation. Whatever you think of him, I agree that that is as good a
suggestion as any; indeed, for months and months I have endeavoured to “do more” i.e. more
than just going through the motions with my fingers crossed hoping for the best and
wondering when I next realise that something I thought I struggled with, has become second
nature to me. Think about why I have written all these articles (and my tweets). There is a
question that it’s only too easy for me to ask myself at this time and that question is: what am
I going to do now?
I have realised for myself that it is human nature to look for things one can afford to take for
granted or, if we cannot find them, to fight for them (or make them up, which all too often
says much about a person’s state of mind they will likely be defensive about). I know I heard
plenty of “don’t take stuff for granted” talk as I was growing up; yet, in all honesty, fighting
for things I can afford to take for granted (as long as it’s legal and honest) is very much part
of my modern-day agenda – but I’m guessing that sort of attitude shouldn’t be falsely
labelled as ambition. Well, I’ve also heard no shortage of “never give up” rhetoric in my life,
nor any shortage of reminders of the importance of being honest. I am forced to accept that,
at this time, I am less free to spend my hard-earned money as I would like than ever before in
my lifetime; the world is changing in ways I can barely imagine… and my very life, and my
mind with it (is that really so hard to believe?). So of course I’m under more pressure than
ever never to give up as far as my work is concerned, whether I want to admit it or not. But I
ask you: have you ever felt like you would probably be content to live in a prison cell because
at least it’s a place where you’re protected, even if the food is crap and the living conditions
grim? Even today, when feeling powerless or paralysed despite all my honest and selfless
efforts, I may end up longing to just go and hide in my comfort zone and batten down the
hatches and wait for better days – and yet, today, I would feel that that in itself hints that I
have already surrendered to something all the same. Let’s just say I have certainly developed
as a person since I became an entrepreneur.
Well, like I’ve already mentioned, in my capacity as an entrepreneur I am a self-employed
translator, and as such a professional linguist; true to form, there are three expressions I
would like to bring up which I don’t believe too many people are familiar with. Make no
mistake: they ARE all expressions I associate with my own professional career. The first is a
Portuguese word, “jeitinho”, which I actually tweeted about recently – I’ve never been to
Brazil myself but it’s very clear that it hints at skills of flexible thinking and guile, which,
let’s be honest, are invoked so often from those in charge of a business. The second is also
Portuguese: “saudade”. It’s hard to define “saudade” – I Googled it again and it said that it’s
similar to nostalgia and also, interestingly enough, that it can be “happy and sad”. At times
like this, I all too often remember that I do not know whether I would rather go back to how
things were if I could, or actually secure the obliteration of certain personal memories to keep
them from distracting me from my aspirations for the future. I keep hearing voices in my
head telling me I should do all I can to banish a few childhood memories and such out of the
idea that it makes me look like a petty dreamer and someone who thinks too simply / is not
sophisticated enough to adapt to and win in the wildly changing modern world. On the other
hand, of course, Dr. Phil wrote a book about the “authentic self” in which he makes a very
convincing case about the importance of recollecting and never forgetting certain childhood
memories.
But I’m no stranger to tough and emotionally challenging times. Earlier this year I lit another
candle on 10 th April for Aoife, an Irish girlfriend I used to have when I was much younger.
We had our differences alright, but God, she was amazing. Amazing enough that, at one
point, I told her to her face that she might be surprised by some of the things I remembered
about her. Well, on the night after the day on which I told her that, it hit me hard: I realised
that, as someone who claimed to be her lover, I owed it to her to tell her that, for all she did
for me, she might be surprised by some of the things that ANYONE remembered about her. It
was a matter of a sense of duty and immense pride in equal measure, and I resolved to tell her
this to her face. So imagine, if you will, how grief-stricken I was when I found out that she
had in fact died before I got the chance to do so!
It certainly feels very saudade, doesn’t it? Nothing I do can bring her back. All these years,
I’ve lit a candle for her on the night of her birthday and held a minute of silence for her. I will
never forget her. And of course it’s emotional. But the most terrible – and frankly, terrifying
– thing of all was that, at some point in the past, I had somehow ended up hypnotised into
thinking I didn’t deserve her. And this is the first time I’ve ever revealed any of this. Now,
for reasons I just can’t describe, doing so has actually left me “more at ease”. Well, at the end
of the day, I’m only human.
The last of the three expressions I mentioned above is “precedent-based assertion”, or PBA
for short. This is actually an expression I myself invented. A PBA may be used (typically
unwisely) in any snippet of communication, whether or not it is being, or is to be, translated.
It’s like this: if you try to make a point but to do so employ wording taken verbatim from
some other statement that has stayed with you somehow – usually because it appealed to you
in some way – and then this fact got pointed out… don’t you think that, to your disadvantage,
it could undermine the sincerity with which people will take said point? I’m very pleased that
I have the wisdom to know better than to use PBAs in the translation work that I produce –
and whenever I express myself outside of it.
Victor Hugo said, “There is nothing like a dream to create the future.” I am grateful for all the
good memories I’m lucky enough to have today, which I can take solace in when things are
just getting too much. Of course, that’s not to say that bad memories have never taught one
valuable lessons (however late down the line). I may have lost Aoife forever but I have
definitely not lost everything. I just hope you can understand that I have learned to cease
clinging onto a hopelessly idealised version of myself for “inspiration” as I take a deep breath
and rise to whatever may be next on the horizon in the course of my life.